My daughter came home furious one day. When I asked her why, she told me that a boy at school hit her during the lunch hour in the schoolyard. When she reported that to the lunchroom supervisor, he got a “time out” against the school wall. The problem was that he gets sent to the wall for “time out” all the time and it is not deterring him from hitting the girls. (The boy’s mother was a well-known expert on cooperative learning for our school board but that is another story.)
I told my daughter there are two ways we can deal with this boy:
1. Let it be and see if the boy learns to behave in time.
2. Teach the boy not to hit again.
I explained to my daughter that the second option would require physical confrontation and that my daughter could be punished. She chose the second option anyway. I’m pretty sure her choice between getting hit or having to stand against a wall wasn’t too difficult.
I brought out a pillow and taught her how to hit forcefully so the bully would not be able to hit her back. I also explained to her the importance of never hitting first.
The next day, she came home very upset again. Predictably, the boy, being a bully, hit her again. So she hit him back as I taught her. She said, “He dropped down to the ground crying out in pain.” BUT, instead of being sent to the wall, my daughter was sent to the office for the rest of the lunch hour. She thought the school was being very unfair by treating the two of them differently. (I think she would have preferred to stand against the wall so others could find out what she had done.)
She was very proud of having taken care of the bully. He never bothered her again and, in fact, asked her to his birthday party shortly after. She did go and found out that she was the only girl invited.
I believe the educators have to rethink how we educate behaviors at school so that students are not victimized repeatedly.
I second that, Teresa. Every time I struck back in such cases - a babysitter constantly moping, for example - or the principal squashing Christianity and Culture - the babysitter started smiling after that and helped twice as much, and the principal finally let us do our thing.
Unfortunately, bullies don’t go away with age. Striking back quickly and effectively is sadly still often the most effective, and least violent, way to stabilize a volatile environment.
Great lesson from mom. I thought my boys the same thing,To never start a fight but stand up for yourself and for others who are being bullied.
At one of our catechism meeting, the sister organising said: WE MUST TEACH LITTLE BOYS TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK WHEN THEY ARE HIT BY BULLIES IN THE PLAYGROUND. The bishop who was presiding rolled his eyes and said as coolly as he could: What a little boy should do when he gets hit by a bully on the play ground is kick him real hard where it hurts. That closed the meeting.
I give that same lesson now!